M B A Jokes
You know you are an MBA
You ask the waiter what the restaurant's core competencies are.
You decide to re-org your family into a 'team- based organization.'
You refer to dating as test marketing.
You can spell 'paradigm.'
You actually know what a paradigm is.
You understand your airline's fare structure.
You write executive summaries on your love letters.
You think it is actually efficient to write a ten-page paper with six other people you do not know.
You believe you never have any problems in your life, just 'issues' and 'improvement opportunities.'
You calculate your own personal cost of capital.
You refer to your previous life as 'my sunk costs.'
Your three meals a day are a 'morning consumption function', a 'noontime consumption function', and an 'even consumption function.'
You start to feel sorry for Dilbert's boss.
You refer to divorce as 'divestiture.'
Your favorite artist is the one who does the dot drawings for the Wall Street Journal.
None of your favorite publications have cartoons.
You account for your tuition as a capital expenditure instead of an expense.
You insist that you do some more market research before you and your spouse produce another child.
At your last family reunion, you wanted to have an emergency meeting about their brand equity.
You decided the only way to afford a house is to call your fellow alumni and offer to name a room after them if they help with the down payment.
Your 'deliverable' for Sunday evening is clean laundry and paid bills.
You use the term 'value-added' without falling down laughing.
The following joke has been around for such a long time! Still, this is for people who either forgot this one, or have not come across this joke!
Lesson Number One
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow and asked, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day?"
The crow answered, "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson Number Three
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was
actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) When you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!
Get to know what it is getting More than 100%...........
We have all been to those meetings where someone
wants "more than 100%."
Well here's how you do that. Here's how you can achieve 103%. First of all,here's a little math that might prove helpful in
the future. How does one achieve 100% in LIFE? Begin by noting the following.
A = 1
B = 2
C = 3
D = 4
E = 5
F = 6
G = 7
H = 8
I = 9
J = 10
K = 11
L = 12
M = 13
N = 14
O = 15
P = 16
Q = 17
R = 18
S = 19
T = 20
U = 21
V = 22
W = 23
X = 24
Y = 25
Z = 26
H A R D W O R K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = Only 98%
K N O W L E D G E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = Only 96%
But interesting (and as you'd expect),
A T T I T U D E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%.....
This is how you achieve 100% in LIFE.
But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT TO NOTE (or REALIZE), is
B U L L S H I T = 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
So now you know what all those high-priced consultants, upper management,
and motivational speakers really mean when they want to exceed 100%!
Here's a word on how communication travels across the management....